Climbing Out of the Comparison Trap
by Karen Tchuindjo
I can confidently say that many women including myself have experienced the sickness of comparison. You might be wondering why I am calling it a sickness. Well, let me explain.
Sickness gets you off your groove. It sucks the life out of you and leaves you drained, tired, fatigued and unfit to perform at 100%. And that, my dear, is exactly what comparison does to us.
I have found myself scrolling on social media (this is where a lot of it starts) comparing my life to others, so trust me when I say that I understand where you are. A casual social media look becomes a session of complaints, judgment and jealousy. Instead of being excited for my fellow sisters, I spew hatred internally.
I have found that there are three ideas/statements you must believe to crawl out of the comparison trap. These beliefs have helped me and I pray that they bless you.
Belief One: You are uniquely made with a unique purpose.
One of the most life changing books on this topic is Without Rival by Lisa Bevere. Lisa clearly explains that Jesus Christ uniquely loves you and I, and that His plans are tailor made for us. It took me a long time to believe these words but once I did, everything changed.
If we take a look at the word of God, it tells us that:
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you;
I appointed you a prophet to the nations.”
“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.”
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD,
plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
You are God’s beautiful queen. You are His creation, and He did not make a mistake! There is no one else on this earth who is graced to walk on your path, and you are not graced to walk on someone else’s path.
You, my dear, have a purpose and a plan that is as important as the next person no matter how the plan may look. The bible tells us that "...man judges us by outward appearance but God measures us based on what is in our heart" ( 1 Samuel 16:7). You will not get accolades for walking out the purpose of your college frenemy no matter how grand that purpose may seem (Yes, seem. No purpose is greater than another).
You have been purposely made unique. No one else can fill your shoes. God does not make copies.
"There is no one else on this earth who is graced to walk on your path,
and you are not graced to walk on someone else’s path."
Belief Two: I don’t see what is behind closed doors.
Most of us are scrolling through social media and judging other people for what they have and comparing our own life to theirs. But, we forget that there is more to the story.
Do you want to know what they had to go through to get that shiny new car? Do you know what they had to go through to travel the world or get that job? Did you see them when they had nothing and placed their complete trust on Jesus? Did you see them when they had no money and believed God to complete their rent? Where you there when they had to wear clothing that had been passed down, or when they lost that loved one?
What many people present to us is there highlight reel. Even when we have close relationships with people, it is foolish to think that we know the ins and outs of their hearts. Everyone goes through a lot because we live in a wicked world, but naturally they don’t show all their pain, for good reason.
"When we see success, we must be reminded that there was a lot of work and faith behind it."
When we see success, we must be reminded that there was a lot of work and faith behind it. Look at your own life, yes, you may not have everything you wanted, but would you want someone to point to you and say, “you have It easy?" Because that is most likely a lie.
If you want to compare your life to someone else, take the bad also. At this point, I think many of us would say, “no, ma'am, you can keep that.”
What I have realized is that I am graced to overcome any struggle of my own life. I would be doing myself an injustice in trying to fight other people's struggle just to have their success. Who is to say I could handle that success and pain like they do.
Belief Three: I have no lack.
The third and last statement you have to believe is that you have no lack in Jesus Christ. Many times, I found myself comparing because I was discontent. I thought my life was not enough, that God wasn’t favoring me like others…but that is a lie from the enemy. The bible tells us that we lack nothing in Jesus Christ (Psalm 23:1). It’s time to live your very best life, not one you found on Instagram.
But what is your very best life anyways?
Your very best life is the one where you walk according to God’s purpose for you. Your very best life is the one where you walk at the pace God has set up for you. Where you obey His commands and worship Him instead of some fictitious plan you want for yourself.
Your positioning at the feet of Jesus is exactly where you need to be. Nowhere else. Your life is just as beautiful as mine, you know why? Because God created it and God is a magnificent creator. By moving away from your path to walk on another path, you are essentially telling God that He didn’t do a good job. Imagine that, the King of kings didn’t do a good enough job. What wicked of a thing to believe! Trust God, and trust your path.
"Your very best life is the one where you walk at the pace God has set up for you."
The devil wants you to fall into the comparison trap. He wants you to fall so deep because he knows that if you focus on someone’s else life, you will never bring into completion what God had started in you before the beginning of time. The devil knows that by distracting you with comparison, you will chase paths that you cannot truly succeed in. You can never win living the life of someone else. It will only leave you empty and miserable.
If you take anything out of this post, please let it be that you have been uniquely and beautifully made by the creator himself. You were not an accident, but a design by God. He has formed your path so that you may live out your purpose on this earth. You are doing yourself and the rest of the world an injustice by wanting to walk the life of another.
Focus on you. Focus on God. If you do compare, compare yourself to Jesus Christ, the ultimate example.
If you suffer with comparison, make sure to wash yourself with the word. The verses mentioned above really helped me as I crawled out of this trap. Maybe take a social media fast, and truly unplug. Guard your heart and wash yourself with the word of God, the best formula for renewal.
I love you all with the love of God and I thank you for giving me opportunity to share a bit of me with you.
About the author
Hey, I am Karen, a 20 something year old based in Washington D.C. I love Jesus and food, and I am pretty much content with both. When I am not writing for my blog, encouraging ladies to live a godly life filled with purpose, I like to read, listen to jazz (I love the saxophone), take adventures around by myself, and cook!
You can check out her blog and free resources on her website at www.iamkyt.com.