Will I Mend From My Brokenness?
by valerie cabadonga
I answered, “Yes!”
They retorted back, “How do you know?”
And I confidently replied, “Because I did. Because God did.”
In less than a year, I got my heart broken twice, and the second was the worst since the end of it tore off the bandage that was temporarily plastering the pain of the first. So then, the wound got even bigger and deeper, and I never thought and knew how I was going to get out of it. Anyways, fast forward to three years, I am now in a happy, healthy and loving relationship with my boyfriend of two years. And in that one year, I’ve let God take the course of my healing.
Life is filled with plot twists and one of them is breakups. Sometimes we see it coming and in most cases we don’t, and the next thing we know, we find our pieces scattered all over the place. But a particular verse has resonated with me about God’s promises in restoring our broken hearts in Deuteronomy 30:1-9, and as I kept reading, I looked back to the year of my life where God has actually done each and every single promise He has mentioned here in healing my heart.
“God, your God, will restore everything you lost; He’ll have compassion on you; He’ll come back and pick up the pieces from all the places where you were scattered. No matter how far away you end up, God, your God, will get you out of there and bring you back…”
We are constantly told that we need to remain as individuals while we are in a relationship, but as much as we try, there are times that we lose ourselves in it. And when we are faced with a breakup, not only do we face a loss of our best friend, but we also face the loss of ourselves. We’ve scattered ourselves in different places, areas and seasons in the relationship that when we look back we wonder how are we ever going to be put back together.
But God has never failed in His Word and neither will He in the future. He collects the pieces and stitches them back together to a whole new masterpiece - one with lessons and wisdom. He uses them into something more beautiful than it was before like stained glass art. I realized that it did not matter how far I went, what the past looked like, He accepted me and welcomed me home like I was only gone for an hour or two.
“God, your God, will cut away the thick calluses on your heart...freeing you to love God, your God, with all your heart and soul and live, really live…”
Since our ego plays a protective role in our lives, to avoid getting hurt again, we build walls. And believe me, I was all for walls. Walls lessen the impact when there is an attack. Walls put a distance between us and the world. Walls enable us to say ‘everything is okay’ when it clearly isn’t.
But as much as we like to make our walls higher and thicker, like calluses, walls thicken our hearts. As much as it protects us, it hinders us to be more vulnerable, to connect to another soul, and to express love in all its definitions all the more. It affects the degree of trust and affection that we share to others. It’s no longer coming from an overflow of unconditional love, but of conditions and limits.
I asked myself, “Well, if God is for us and walls are to protect us from pain, then why take them down? Would God want us to be stuck in the middle of an open fire without refuge?”
He made me realize that there is strength in vulnerability when it comes to connection. Our vulnerability allows us to have empathy, compassion and gives us the ability to speak life to the people around us.
And with refuge, God does not want you to take refuge in a wall of distrust and disappointment. God wants you to take refuge in Him (Psalm 91:2). To use His Spirit as your shield and armor against every attack. Allowing God to take down our walls opens our heart to love without borders to God, to ourselves and to others. As the walls come down, we see life in a loving and compassionate light. One without hatred and shame. One will delight, appreciation and gratitude - a life in all its fullness (John 10:10).
“He will give you a good life and make more numerous than your ancestors.”
Through it all and with it all, He has proven that the best is yet to come. Healing does not take place with the new millennial thinking of immediately replacing what is broken. A fractured bone even when replaced with something new will not be fully functional after an operation. It takes time to heal. It takes time to function again as it should be and as it normally would.
Same with relationships, a rebound would not heal you. It will give you the illusion of healed but it only works as temporary pain reliever...like panadol. It takes time to heal and God will bless you in due time. There is more to life than this pain. There is more joy beyond this hurdle - joy in all aspects of our lives.
We - including me - always want things to happen right away, but I am learning that in God’s word, the Bible does not say love is pronto, but love is patient.
So, with such great promises in healing our brokenness, ‘what do I need to do?’
“...come back to God, your God, and obey Him with your whole heart and soul…”
Yes, that’s it - that’s all you need to do. Obey with your whole heart and soul, not just a portion of them.
For one, I am truly grateful for my brother who has dragged me along to a church service at the time of my break up. His initial intention was to introduce me to a new environment and meet new friends, but I got a much better deal - a reunion with God. And that was the beginning of my healing and...
“And you will make a new start, listening obediently to God, keeping all His commandments...God your God will outdo Himself in making things go well for you; you’ll enjoy an all-around good life.”
...a start where I depended on God through the pain and through the hurt. To listen closely to His still and quiet whisper.
Moving on was not easy, and no one will ever say that it will. Moving on will never be a one time, zapping moment and everything is all put back together. It is a constant decision to take on step of faith at a time. Faith doesn't decrease your level of pain, but pain increases your level of faith - and that is enough to walk through it.
Despite the doubts of being unloved, God will show you that you are lovable and valued. You’ll have relapses and sometimes alerted with irrational thinking (I did...big time!), but know that God is always there and He will get you through it.
God is a surgeon that puts us all back together and even makes a better version. As a patient, we know that we are ill but we never tell the surgeon what to do. As a patient, we trust the surgeon - whatever the operation it will be, we are in complete trust that God will mend them together in whatever shape or form that may take. As a patient, we work alongside God. We become accountable of ourselves, take the steps to recovery, follow the health instructions and admit whatever unwellness we feel.
Our glasses may be stained from the hurt, but hey, it’s the stain that makes a stained glass so beautiful as a whole.
So, my answer is yes and always will be yes. God will restore everything you lost, welcome you back home on a table setting with your name on it, put back the pieces of your heart together and give you life in all its fullness, as long as you obey and continue to lean into Him.
“When is the right time to start moving on?”
Well, my friend, the choice is completely up to you.
Sometimes we are too blinded by the pain that we are unable to see beyond that. We fail to see the way out as we focus more on the mist of loss and hurt. Sometimes we think that we won't be able to move on but you’ll be surprised how much you’ll do when you let God into this space of brokenness.
We always look for someone whom we can trust and stick by us through the different stages and seasons of our lives, and you know what, He’s been right there - waiting and waiting and waiting - until you open the door to let him in. To help you move on.
So, the question is: will you let Him in?
“God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before Him. When I got my act together, He gave me a fresh start. Now I’m alert to God’s ways; I don’t take God for granted. Every day I review the ways He works; I try not to miss a trick. I feel put back together, and I’m watching my step.
God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes.”
(Psalm 18:20-24 MSG)