Sometimes We Just Have To Wait
by Valerie Cabadonga
Waiting…it’s not for everybody.
We all wait for different things in our lives. Whether it’s getting a job, finding someone special, finishing a degree, or having kids, we’re all waiting for something. In my case, I was waiting for him to pop the question.
A few months ago, taking the relationship to the next level became a hot topic between my boyfriend and me. Most of the time, I brought up scenarios and questions to compare his timeline to mine. After learning about a significant change in our present circumstances, the question of marriage has hit the back burner completely.
One thing you need to know about me: I’m a planner. Part of being a planner is working with timelines and deadlines. But once the reality of this delay in my plans for marriage dawned on me, fear crept into my heart. The question what if dominated my thoughts, the greatest of which was, “what if as I am waiting for him, I will grow out of this season and emerge with different desires? What if because of this, we grow apart?”
My mind raced through all the possible outcomes that waiting would have, and every time I felt defeated. Many of my prayers consisted of “…but God, how long?”
To ease the pressure of my jam-packed head, I poured my heart out to a trusted friend over a cup of hot chocolate. I’m glad I did, because the question she asked challenged me and shook me back to my senses. She said, “Are you going to focus more on what age in life you’ll get married, or the stage in life you’ll get married?”
I realized I was too caught up in the future possibilities to focus on the present moment. We tend to magnify the object of our wait to a point that it’s all we can think about. We search high and low for a remedy, for anything that will bring peace to this war within us.
One day you trust God’s faithfulness and the next, you feel defeated. An hour ago, you were positive about what the future holds, but doubts plague you the moment you see them in person. The what ifs come back time and time again. It feels like you went one step forward and two or even three steps back.
With pessimism running through my head like wild gazelles, I remembered the verse that I held in my heart at the start of 2017. It goes:
Even the hard pathways have abundance…but how? And then I re-introduced myself to the story of David. I admire David and his attitude in his time of wait. When he was anointed for kingship, David went back to the field to tend his father’s flocks instead of boasting. David did what he needed to during that season. He focused on The One who anointed him rather than when his appointment would be.
In my waiting, I uncovered the reason for my eagerness to lunge into the next season. At that time, I have hit a point of stagnancy in my career. In search of some progress, I turned to my relationship which I – emphasizing on I – could move forward. But as I opened my heart to the people who care about me, they reminded me of something important. In the season of waiting for one object, you can still see other miracles spring up around you. And that’s how hard pathways still overflow with abundance.
In this waiting season, I am learning more to be patient; to be kinder. I am learning to love even when it’s hard. God sparked the dry bones of dreams back to life. He is teaching me more how to persevere in times of trial. He is encouraging my values to become my foundation. With all these wonderful things, I am learning to trust even it’s hard (especially when it’s hard). The greatest assurance is not in my time or my boyfriend’s timeline, but in God’s timing. This is the abundance that He is currently showering over me during the wait.
The wait has deepened my relationship with God. In all honesty, some days are better than others – I still have times of eagerness to know when instead of completely trusting the process. Even though the wait isn’t over, it isn’t too bad when there is trust and peace, and it is transforming me.
If you are struggling to wait, please know that God has not left you behind. Waiting doesn’t mean he has replaced you. And surely, waiting doesn’t mean that He isn’t working on your behalf. Waiting is a preparation under His guidance for the next instruction.
When I walk down an aisle filled with roses where my husband-to-be is waiting, I want to know that I waited patiently for that moment. I want to be able to thank God for the delay; otherwise I wouldn’t have learnt to wait. I wouldn’t have loved this and that, or achieved this and that. Believed in this and that. And most of all, if it weren’t for the delay, I wouldn’t have learnt how to trust him with this and that.
As published in the Overflow Feb 2018 newsletter of Jesus Is Lord (Rockdale), Sydney,Australia.