When You Sow Into God's House, He Will Take Care Of The Dream
by Jay Abellanosa
...a struggle on a particular aspect of my life?
I think I have always struggled with my purpose here on earth (well, that went deep so quick!). But yes, since I was about 11 years old, I've been crying out to God to tell me why I'm created the way I am, what I am here for, and what I can do for Him. Of course, at the time, I didn't know what to call the whole experience. I just had a massive cry to God. Not to sound obnoxious, but I felt like there were a few things I was capable of doing while also not feeling adequate in them. Like I could sing, but couldn't sing like Whitney, which - for a Filipino - means it doesn't count. So I cried out to God asking why: "Why did you give me talents that can't even get me anywhere?"
...the revelation from God?
It took me years to get the reason why. And it's only been in the last couple of years that I began to take steps of faith with full confidence that God was under control. I did two years of Internship for my church in the areas of creative, multimedia and production. At that point, they were the best years of my life! After that I decided to go back to University and finish my Digital Media degree. But long story short, I found myself in the worst mental state I'd ever found myself in, I dropped out halfway through uni, never told anyone and felt so guilty. I brought this dilemma before God at our church conference, and it was then that I had a massive revelation that God was truly in control of my future and that He has amazing plans for me to make a difference for Him. All I needed to do was trust Him in every step of the way.
...how things turned out?
Things didn't happen in an instant. It was a long process. The first step was telling my parents that I had dropped out of University, and it was not easy. They were never the stereotypical Tiger-Parents who would have disowned me if I had so much as gotten a B+. My parents have been supportive through my internship, impressed the importance of knowledge and learning but never pressured me and my siblings to be anything other than what we wanted to be. But on the flip side, after supporting me for a long time, dropping out of University seemed like too random of a decision that had repercussions too uncertain for them to get behind straight away. But through that I held on to my revelation that God had my future in His hands and I need to trust Him.
That year I got to direct our Christmas Production and that was such an amazing experience. I ended up making great friends through the time we spent together. The following year I went back to do a final year of internship and I found a family in the group of interns that I got to help lead and serve with. Through it all, I was the most confident I've ever been. In fact, despite the uncertainty of the future, one thing was for sure: God was in control.
...my current situation?
At the end of my final internship year, I felt called to start a business - the last thing I would have ever seen myself doing which, naturally, could have only been something God orchestrated. Using the skills, knowledge and relationships I'd build over the past four years, I began my creative venture. I started For The Light Creative which did photography, film and design for things like weddings, events, family etc. The business itself always felt like it was God's. It was never mine, not for me to make my name and my skills famous, but an opportunity to use my talents for God's glory and also to provide an opportunity for other creatives to do the same.
In saying that, I just got a pretty epic job. I believe that For The Light is still something God will continue to sustain as long as I am faithful with and steward it well. But there has also been an opportunity that has come up for me to work for the church that I'd been a part of 6 - 7 years now. It's a job that, while crazy awesome and freak-out worthy it is, seems like I'd been training for it for the past few years. I've yet to begin but I wrote in one of my journals that I can't let my insecurities and feelings of inadequacies disqualify me from my calling. And whenever I start to doubt myself, I held on to this verse as a reminder, a declaration and an encouragement that it wasn't all about me (Exodus 33:12-18):
Moses said to the Lord, "You have been telling me, 'Lead these people,' but you have not let me know whom you will send me with. You have said, 'I know you by name and you have found favor with.' If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you. Remember that this nation is your people."
The Lord replied, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."
Then Moses said to Him, "If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. How will anyone know that you are pleased with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?"
And the Lord said to Moses, "I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and I know you by name."
Then Moses said, "Now show me your glory."
So, I continue to anchor myself to what God has revealed to me: He's created me for a purpose - to glorify Him in my skill and talents that He's given me. And I want to and have to continue to trust Him in every step of the way.
Looking back into my journal, I recently found one of my notes from church and one of the things that helped encourage me start For The Light was this thought about Joseph while he was at Potiphar's house - when you sow into God's house, He will take care of the dream.
about the author
My name is Jay. I'm Filipino and my family moved to New Zealand in 2008. I have a creative business called For The Light and on some weeks, I make French macaroons for fun. I recently turned 27 and moved cities for an epic job serving the house!