Toxic Relationships Should Not Be A Norm
by yanee imperial
This was June 2016.
I was depressed for three months because of my ex and only realized I was until I got out of it. I knew I had to break up with him, but my feelings say the opposite. We were still together then but things were already rocky and unstable, plus the fact it became a long distance relationship.
I could honestly say I was in a toxic relationship.
We were together for almost five years. It was on and off. There were situations that happened that I only thought I would only see on TV or in movies – being pushed with force, verbally abused, aggressive behaviour and flying clothes. I was blinded by “love.” So blinded that I disrespected my parents and got kicked out of our house. But, despite of it all, I still loved him very much. And I did not realize it was toxic relationship until I got saved.
Everything changed from then and after doing the ARISE Internship. I got saved on December 2013, the very same day I asked about the internship. My main reason why I went to church that day was to inquire about the internship programme because I needed to work on my portfolio in order to get a job related to my degree. I applied, I got interviewed, and I got in! I was so stoked and did not realize what I was getting into – no idea at all.
I started the internship, and it was great! I loved it but I had so many trials and tribulations along the way. I was growing in God, my faith was getting stronger, but my relationship with him was starting to fall apart because of guilt and temptation, and we were not on the same page anymore. He tried his best to change, but it was just not him. On the night of my intern graduation, we broke up. Funny right? But that’s life.
The following year, we started talking again, started seeing each other, and on October 2015, we got back together. I gave our love another chance. But this time, it was different – we were in a long distance relationship. We were off to a great start, but then I started to feel the guilt and temptation again. So, that’s where June 2016 comes in. I got depressed. I did not know what to do with my life anymore. I just wanted to stay in my room all the time. I would go to church but did not pay attention or talk to anyone. I stopped praying. I walked away from God. I was there, but also not there, you know? I did not want to wake up anymore. I would cry for hours. The dance team that I was leading was not growing and I didn’t really care. I wanted to die. I was stuck.
Then, one day, I woke up and heard God’s voice loud and clear:
"Is that what you want for the rest of your life?"
I was shocked because I could hear God’s voice so clearly. Ever since then, I could converse with Him every day like He is just right next to me.
Since then, I turned my situation around. I started working out, eating healthy, prayed, read the Bible and I had the motivation to do my work. After fasting and praying for two weeks, on September 2016, I had the boldness and courage to break up with my ex. He didn’t want to break up with me in the first instance because of a current loss in his family. Then one day, I received a text message from him saying that he is ready to let me go. I asked, “Why? Is there someone else?” and he said no. Two days after we broke up, a girl messaged me asking if I was still with my ex, that she likes him, that they have been seeing each other, and all those other details. And out of curiosity, I asked her if they saw each other before we broke up…she said, “yes.”
I was shocked, appalled, mad, annoyed, jealous, disappointed, and upset. My feelings were all over the place. After two weeks, I found out that they made it official and saw a photo of them with rings on their fingers. Like hello?! Bro! I was so mad and questioned, “How can you do this to me? Why is it so easy for you to just let it all go?” I cried and cried, and cried it all to God. I asked Him, “Why did this happen to me?”
After a few months, we saw each other and had a proper closure. Then, I felt peace and was grateful for everything he has done for me. I have accepted it and that was when I started to move on. I had two friends, which are now my best friends, and started going on adventures and climbed mountains. I started to explore, tried out new things, met new people, and started helping out people who have their hearts broken.
I have learned that toxic relationships should not be a norm. You deserve so much better and you should never settle for anything less. If you are in a toxic relationship, never accept it, and have the courage to get out of that relationship. Through the season of moving on, I could not do it with my own strength. I had to hold on to God every day, declaring every day that I am loved, that I am not alone and that He loves me. I had to pray every day that I will have the strength to go through my day. These Bible verses has helped me through that season of my life:
“But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. And I was delivered from the lion's mouth.” – 2 Timothy 4:17 NIV
“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” – Romans 8:18 NIV
Now, I am completely healed, happy, content, and also, happily in love again. No matter what you are going through, always remember that you are not alone. God is always with you.
Thank you Jesus!
about the author
You can call me Yanee. I'm 25 years old, and I live in Hamilton, New Zealand.I was born in the Philippines and we moved here when I was 15 years old. I love my family, and I have two siblings - a brother and a sister. I have graduated from University with a Media Arts degree. Dancing is my number one hobby. I am part of the church dance team and I am loving it! I love my friends. I love going on hikes and adventures. And, I love eating.