Trust God For Love
by Amy Ching
Have you ever wondered who is the one for you?
Have you ever thought “has God forgotten about my life partner?” Were you ever jealous about your friend posting photos on social media about how sweet their relationship is? Did you ever regret deeply about hurting the one you loved the most? Did you ever doubt that God will bless you with someone again? If you wondered about any of these questions, the story below will certainly inspire you to trust in God once again.
I met a guy in church when I was 15 and he was the best guy I ever met. He had so much love and respect for me, but his love for God was what made me love him so much. He would reschedule dates with me if he had to go for any church activities. And when we were on dates, everything was about me and he took the best care of me as long as he was around. Fast forward a few years, I had to move overseas to further my studies and we broke up because of a miscommunication. I did not know why I made that decision, but it was the worst one I ever made. My dream was entirely shattered, because I was hurt from that miscommunication, and most importantly, I let go of the guy I loved the most. From then, my life went into chaos. Where was God? Why did God not stop me from making bad decisions? Why did God take The One away from me when He knew I did not mean it?
No idea where I got the idea from, but I decided to set a covenant with God. I will not date for three years, so I can show the guy my sincerity, and to use those years to pray for him to turn his heart back towards me. I wanted to prove to God I can do it, and He will need to return my love to me exactly after 3 years. I was so wrong. There was not one day that I would stop thinking about him, not one day I would stop crying to sleep. I lost faith in God, I blamed Him for not stopping me and I went into depression. I ignored what my friends would do to bring me out of this mess and as a result, I've annoyed and upset my closest friends. All I could pray about is for that three years to end as soon as possible. I tried to get in touch with him even though we were in different countries, but obviously his responses would disappoint me again and again and again. I lost my joy, I hated myself and I could never stop thinking that God has given up on me because I pushed away the one and only one for me and there was no one left. I believed God had to keep relationships away from me so I could not hurt anyone anymore. I believed the lie that I have to suffer for three years before I can see hope again.
During that period, a number of my friends got attached. I saw their lovey dovey photos on social media and I just could not stand looking at them. I was genuinely happy for them but would pity myself that I am sad and alone. I attended weddings, but I was not happy inside. I left weddings with a heavy heart, constantly thinking how nice it would be if we were the ones at the altar. I showed no interest in any guys, all I could think about is how I can make God soften his heart so he could look at me again.
Two years went by, I lived in the darkest period of my life and could not see the end to this tunnel. I asked myself everyday, what am I doing? What is my purpose in life? Why should I even be alive? I went to church, but there was no joy, no peace and only a bleak future. I returned home every summer for three years and I would see him in church. Each time I saw him, I would tear sadly, while people around me thought I was touched by the Holy Spirit. I felt so horrible. My heart was aching and there seemed to be no way out. Why was I suffering more than I deserve?
One day I asked God, for how long am I going to live in misery? Can You please do something about it? Psalm 34:6 says:
“The poor man cried out, and the Lord heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles.”
I believe that day, God heard my soul crying out to Him and things started to shift.
Gradually, I began to feel the desire to dig into His Word to seek Him, I wanted to know if by reading the Bible and praying again would deliver me from my troubles. I slowly started to believe again that there is a God who cares for me. I spent all my free time listening to sermons, reading the Bible, placing myself around people whom I believe can speak into my life. I was very determined to be delivered from this mess I was in because somewhere in my heart I know I was not meant to live such a life.
I started to feel my heavy burdens lifted and I began to experience freedom that I never thought I would experience again. As the bible says, “For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” I decided to give God another chance by casting all my cares upon Him as they were getting too heavy for me to bear.
I still thought about him on some days, but I realised that my tears were slowly drying up. As time went by, my heart did not feel such excruciating pain anymore. Well you may say, time heals all wounds. But if this statement is true, no one would need a Saviour anymore. How is it that time heals all wounds but my heart ached for three years without any sign of healing? There had to be someone out there who sees all your pains and sufferings and wants to carry you through the darkest times.
I doubted that God will bless me with someone but this led me to listen to various sermons on “The one” for you. And guess what?
There is no such thing as “The One” for you!
There is only the right one whom you choose with God’s wisdom and wise counsel. You focus on being the one for the person you want to be with. I was shocked to hear that, but as desperate as I was to get out of this crazy mess, I took that sermon as it was. I asked one of my close friends, how did you know your boyfriend was the one? She said, “Well I don’t believe there is 'The One', I chose him after seeking God, and that’s it.” WOW, wasn’t that the sermon talked about?!
Instead of focusing on looking for The One, I made a conscious decision to become the woman that God wanted me to be, and become The One that I wanted to present myself as when I meet someone I like. I did a study on Proverb 31 to be the woman that God has called me to be. If I am going to be single for the rest of my life, I am not going to be upset as I don’t need someone to fill up the empty voids in my heart. I wanted to be so lost in Christ that the guy has to go through Jesus before he can find me.
You must be wondering, how did I come to this conclusion? Well, I read Ephesians 3:20 and God promised that “Now to Him who is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us” and in Philippians 4:19, “He was going to take care of me and supply all my needs with His glorious riches.”
If He is going to do exceedingly abundantly above all I can ask or think and supply my needs with His glorious riches, why should I go seek for earthly love that I know will not satisfy me? Why don’t I just focus on letting Him fill my heart with joy and grace and security?
Why go searching for an earthly guy, when the Heavenly One is chasing after me?
You must be thinking that all that I typed above sounded as if these changes happened over a few weeks. No. This whole transformation process took me one whole year. I struggled while I was looking for my freedom. I teared when I felt that reading the Word was dry and perhaps God was not listening to me. I still got upset at times when I saw people posting lovey dovey photos on social media. But what was different? I trusted that God will open my eyes to someone whom I would eventually fall in love with. I have more joy and freedom than before. As human as I am, I have negative emotions. But I have learnt that I don’t have to feed the emotions. I learnt that I don’t need to have a pity party. I learnt that when I am down, I can be still and know He is God.
Remember what I said at the start about setting a covenant with God to show my sincerity about the guy and not date for three years? I have to say, God is quite humorous sometimes. He likes to have some fun with us. I met a guy during my transformation process and I did not even know he is someone whom God had drawn my attention to. But we started to become closer and closer, and eventually, we started dating. So, what is it about this guy that I had to mention here? Well, we started dating exactly three years after I set that covenant! God did see my sincerity, but He sent another guy to me instead. A guy whom I met after all these pain, so I was given a chance to love all over again, and this time, with God’s love. Fast forward another four years today, the guy is now my husband who came into my life with prayers.
What’s the moral of my story?
There is a God who cares about every need we have. There is a God who does remember our desires to meet our life partners. There is a God who wipes away our tears and soothes our broken hearts. There is a God whom we can trust in our darkest moments.
A few years of pain and hurt will eventually exchange for a lifetime of joy and freedom. Only if you believe.
about the author
My name is Amy. I enjoy fellowship with people and love to see people’s lives changed because of Jesus. My passion is to influence people with my life story and my dream is to preach on stage one day. If we ever have a conversation, let me know if my words have not spoken into your life. Besides that, I love watching dramas and I can binge watch the entire day without doing anything else. Oops!
I love bubble tea, especially matcha flavoured ones, best if salted cream is added on top of the drink! Nom ~ I love kids so don’t be surprised I have so many photos with my friends’ babies! If you want to know more about me, check out my instagram account @chingamy. I don’t take beautiful photos all the time because I don’t know how to, but I post about my revelations and I hope they can inspire you!