Why Am I Still Single?
by Verona Angol
Singleness will always be a topic of conversation.
How do you view singleness? A curse, A disease, a sore or taboo subject? Is singleness a trigger to painful reminders that “everyone” else is married, has or is having children, or that everyone else is in a relationship but me?
Hear me when I say I can empathise as, one time or more in my journey of Singleness, I’ve said the same thing. So what’s the 411 on Singleness? I’ve never been in a relationship, prior to getting saved and after. Over the years I’ve read books, blogs, articles, attended teachings about relationships, listened to sermons, everything. In fact, I’ve had over 10 years of the same teachings about relationships, how to date, how to prepare for marriage….all of it.
…Now, without sounding like I’m against teachings about relationships (let me assure you that I’m all for teaching!) I just got to a place where I asked God and myself, “there must be more than just teaching,” and declaring in the name of Jesus that by the end of 2017, I will get married.
January 1st, 2018, I’m still single. No dress, no groom - just my singleness and my freedom. There’s nothing wrong with declaring, and believing God, but if after having done all that, and yet I’m still single, this led me to ask:
God is there something wrong with me?
Ever asked God this question before? I have! Maaaaany a time, especially after a friend got married, had a baby, or news of someone else getting engaged reached my ears!
Ever thought you had sure ‘signs,’ that a Christian guy “likes me,”? I did a few time, when that wasn't the case at all, and he was just being nice, or questioning if his text message meant something more than what it said.
“but I don’t know if he likes me…” *insert thinking emoji here*
If a guy wants to get to know us more and pursue a Christ centered relationship with us (shy or not) he will tell us.
Just want to encourage any readers if you’re in the situation where you’ve been getting to know a guy that you like (and I mean more than physically) he encourages you to draw closer to God and you do the same, give him some time, give him grace, to do what God has created him to do – LEAD.
If on the other hand, a guy tells you he doesn’t feel the same way, believe him. Don’t hang around waiting for him to change his mind or position yourself to try to help him to change his mind. Respectfully and gracefully accept that he does not feel the same way. Sometimes, we think we want something so bad we ignore red flags, checks in our Spirit, but persistently push and push, which ends in heartbreak.
"SOMETIMES, WE THINK WE WANT SOMETHING SO BAD WE IGNORE RED FLAGS, CHECKS IN OUR SPIRIT, BUT PERSISTENTLY PUSH AND PUSH,
WHICH ENDS IN HEARTBREAK."
I’ve learned the real question I needed to ask myself, wasn’t what’s wrong with me. Rather, Lord show me how to love myself, why did I keep repeating the same mistakes, expecting a different result *insert shake my head emoji here.*
So He did just that.
I pray that what I’ve learned and am still learning encourages you:
1. Get to know God intimately.
The more time we spend with God, at His feet and in His Word, the more we begin to reflect His likeness and image.
“So God created human beings in His own image.
In the image of God He created them.”
(Genesis 1:27 NLT)
I’ve learned we can either be like Mary, who sat at the feet of Jesus, or Martha, fleeting up and down rushing around to get things ‘in order’ when all that’s required is to just sit at the feet of Jesus and learn to rest and be content in His presence.
"Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught.
But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing……
But the Lord said to her, “Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it,
and it will not be taken away from her.”
2. Be content in who you are.
Content (happy, satisfied, at ease and comfortable) in who He’s made you to be. I recently discovered a word that I love: idiosyncrasies, which simply means quirks, peculiarities, habits, characteristics and being comfortable that God knows all of that, and still loves us. In all of those, He adds the fruits of the Spirit to our weaknesses.
3. Don’t compare yourself.
Everyone else but you are not married, everyone else but you are not getting engaged, everyone else but you, are not having babies. We don’t know the struggles the pain or the joy and the journey they took to get there, and even if we do, it’s their journey, and it’s not going to be the same for you, as God has created us as I N D I V I D U A L S.
I know it’s said lots of times, (I’m going to add it one more time too) EVERYTHING in its season and its proper place. King Solomon understood that, and God allowed it to be in His Word to encourage us, and at the right time these things will come to pass. I’m so glad that God is a God of order, and He’s gone before us, so He knows. My prayer is that we’ll be women who can quietly rest and depend on God for His direction, because it’ll happen when He says. Hannah wanted a child so badly, that she prayed. The bible says, and “God remembered her.” God knows each of us and knows what is good for us and when.
“You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in Your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.”
(Psalm 139:16 NLT)
4. Serve others
I love to serve! That doesn’t mean serving because I think I’ll get married at the end of it, but because I just love to help others in some way. I find that my time is filled up serving the local church in Ministry. By serving others my focus is on others and not myself. God has deposited gifts inside of us that the world is waiting to receive.
“Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others.
Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.”
(Philippians 2:3 NLT)
"GOD HAS DEPOSITED GIFTS INSIDE OF US THAT
THE WORLD IS WAITING TO RECEIVE."
5. Allow God to heal any unresolved hurts.
This may take some time, but we all carry baggage, hurts, disappointments, frustrations and extremely unrealistic expectations *insert hands up emoji here.* We can go through life (even in Christ) as if everything is plain sailing all the time. We’re good at leading others to believe that we have it all together, but when people go their separate ways and we go home, we’re left with the insecurities, fears, worries and shame that we fight so hard to hide in case people view us differently.
I allowed God in and healing began. The process wasn’t quick, but before we can even think of having someone else in our lives, we need to go through some healing ourselves. For me, that was counselling, prayer, and allowing God’s love to come in. I think we’ll always be on that journey, just in different aspects.
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
(Psalm 147:3 NLT)
"Enjoy your singleness; it's a position, not a disease."
If you can’t wait to stop being single, my prayer is that your mind would be renewed to be God focused and that we’d be ready for His timing. In the meantime, travel, enjoy God, discover a new hobby, learn to love yourself, learn your likes and dislikes. Enjoy your singleness; it’s a position, not a disease. Be your best you now, there’s much to discover about God, others and yourself.
about the author
Verona is a 30-something who’s passionate for God, people and worship. I love to encourage others to become all that God has called them to be! Love to talk, eat, and write.
Love to connect and meet with new people. I serve on my Church’s Worship Team, Lead online Bible Study, part of the Prayer Worship Team. Love to study God’s Word, I’m a home body and like to have fun too!
Follow her on Instagram: @memoirsoffaith
Find her Blog: www.memoirsoffaith.co.uk